David Burned

A really big brain crammed with big ideas.

A really big brain crammed with big ideas.

Below is a personal email I received from my close friend David Byrne:

Hello,

Sorry for the mass mailing. I missed saying hi to some of you at the office Turkeyfest, but hope everyone had a good time. See you all next year.

I have, after many years, finished the Here Lies Love CD project – at least this iteration of it. It will come out in late February on Nonesuch. It’s a collaboration with Fatboy Slim , an upbeat series of songs sung each one by a different singer. The songs are about Imelda Marcos and Estrella Cumpas, the woman who raised her. The package includes 2 CDs (22 songs), a DVD with videos of 6 of those songs, and a 100-page book that explains it all. Singers include Florence Welch (of Florence + The Machine), Sia, Santigold, Nellie McKay, Sharon Jones, St. Vincent, Róisín Murphy and many more (even me on 1 and 1/2)… I am pretty excited about this, but who knows, it might just make people crazy.

We’ll see. There will be more concrete news, with links and music, in early January.

In the meantime, I have decided to rebrand myself, inspired by Philip Morris changing their name to Altria, Blackwater to Xe, and the train I’m riding on right now that calls itself Acela – none of which mean anything, but they are cleverly evocative. When I decide on the magic word, you’ll be the first to know.

-David Byrne
Midtown

P.S. Santa’s elves have stock of Bicycle Diaries, fresh from their polar workshop.

My tirade:

I received this because like an idiot I didn’t resist the latest Eno/Byrne. As a reward I got this email.

This thing pisses me off every time I read it!
Have you ever read anything smarmier? More cloying?
Since I’ve hated The Talking Heads, and in particular David Byrne, since 1977, this is a gift that keeps on giving.
First off it’s written to sound like a friend wrote it, sorry if I didn’t say “Hi” to you at the Fucking Turkey Fuckfest.
Yeah I was smoking a joint in the store room with Ras, the other black guy there, and making “Gay” jokes behind your back, so I missed saying “Hi” to you at the Fucking Fuck Turkey Fest!
David Byrne is not my friend. If I’d known him in school, I’m sure I would have picked on him. Knocked his cap off his head when I saw him in the hall. He could have me to thank for his “Swirly”.
I can’t wait to ruin my hearing with his collaboration with hasbeen/neverwas wanker FatBoy Slim. Two cd’s, each with a generous 11 songs apiece, plus a hundred page book that explains it all! And it’s about Imelda Marcos and the woman who raised her. What an utterly fresh topic!
And a DVD with six of those fabulous hits in video form.

I can’t help thinking I’ve already seen and heard all this before, and it bored me to death the first time! This smells even staler.
David Byrne does ironic take on Evita!
“I am pretty excited about this, but who knows, it might just make people crazy.”
I’m feeling a little crazy right now! Heck, I’d like to break the cd’s into little shards, and reduce the rest to unrecognizable pulp!
Send the paper elements off with the recycling so I can buy post consumer recycled toilet paper and wipe my ass with it!

And just in case we forgot that David is an artistic visionary, he drops the rebranding thing. Inject a little social commentary, namecheck Phillip Morris, and Blackwater.
I’ve got one for him. Why not Murano? It’s like one of those words, except that it’s a car named for a place that has no cars. Isn’t that sort of perfect?

And “The Bicycle Diaries”?!!!! Puhleeeze! Geek rides folding bike and thinks we want to know what he’s thinking.

I wouldn’t piss on it if it was on fire!

Here is part of a review written by an admitted fan on Amazon:

“I found myself abandoning the book about half-way through which is something I almost never do. The writing itself is not bad, but I just don’t think he has enough to say to make this work as a book. I remain a David Byrne fan and I’ll look out for his next effort, but I wouldn’t recommend buying the book.”

Of course it’s signed, David Byrne, Midtown. Midtown says it all.

And my “friend”s email return address:

David Byrne do-not-reply@topspinmedia.com

I didn’t post any music for obvious reasons.
This is a first.

9 thoughts on “David Burned

  1. BRAVO!!!! Davy Burn is right up there, or is it down there, with Lou Reed.
    When you told me last week that you had bought his latest turd, I was afraid I would need to end our friendship, but now I am so with you on this one that I want to jump on a plane and fly out there to give you a hug…and a kiss! You’re so fucking angry that it makes me laugh out loud! I guess the only thing that really puzzles me is, why the fuck would Eno have anything to do with this asshole? Does little Davy pay him just to have his name on the “product”? It was enough for me years ago when he sued his old band mates to deny them a living and touring as “the Heads” when I’m sure he was well done playing anything associated. I’m so very happy that you didn’t post any of this idiots shitty shit…you see I can’t even refer to it as music.
    Cheers! You nailed it! Happy X-Mas Everyone!

  2. Everything is complicated and shaded in gray. That’s how I deal with the fact that one of my heroes has a long association with artists I abhor. David Byrne, and U2.
    I try not to think about it and focus on Oblique Strategies instead.

  3. It’s a triple! I saw this goofball riding his bike on Mercer Street a while ago, and am only sorry I wasn’t close enough to push him off into a bush of ghosts. Meanwhile hearing “Music for Airports” in a used book store today made we want to stay there forever. Babys on fire!

  4. One of my favorite recordings, is a remake of one of my favorite albums, namely “Music For Airports”, as rendered by The Bang On A Can Allstars.
    The work as a whole deserves a post. Great Shit. And no involvement of David Byrne, as far as I know.

  5. Dude!
    That fucking rocks my world!
    I thought Dave was a cool cat until you got me happening.
    I’m making T-Shirts that say… do-not-reply@topspinmedia.com
    Who would want to reply to a cunt like that anyway?
    Sorry to all of the under 12 year old kids in the blog scene.
    Is it Christmas yet?

  6. I can hardly wait for the Grand Bull Shit Awards Ceremony! Fingers crossed that
    D. Byrne wins a pile of shining Bull Shit for all his efforts in being so full of it.

  7. So far David is slightly ahead of Lou Reed in this regard.
    Thanks for the idea for the Grand Bullshit Awards!

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